Moscow (by azazelok | Pixabay)
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In his mind, Vladimir Putin is no longer just the president of Russia; he’s a historical figure with a unique mission. He sees himself as the leader of the only country in the world that can oppose the expansion of NATO and the spread of the “vile” Western values that could be a threat to the authoritarian Russian regime.
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For me, Kyiv will forever remain one of the sunniest places on earth. Back in the ’90’s, when I was about eight years old, I went there with a friend of mine who’s half Ukrainian. We spent about a month in the beautiful Kyiv, accompanied by our grandmas. We were exploring the streets in the city centre, visiting churches and cathedrals, learning the history of the Kyivan Rus’. Running down the Andrew’s Descent while checking out the goods of the local artisans, taking the metro to get to the river beach, playing on the swings, splashing in the fountains – these are my brightest memories from that summer. I felt welcome and excited to get to know that amazing city with its unique history. I had fun learning the Ukrainian words that were so similar to Russian ones, yet had completely different meanings. Back in those days I truly believed I had the connection with the Motherland of the modern Russian civilisation. Last and maybe the least (since I’m not particularly religious), I was even baptised not far from Kyiv and, thus, also have a spiritual connection with Ukraine.
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For at least the past 14 years, since 2008, when Putin was temporarily replaced as president by his pawn Dmitry Medvedev, we’ve been observing this transition from democracy to authoritarianism, from the freedom of meetings and speech to government-controlled media and a full ban of protests.
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Today, Kyiv is being bombed and attacked by the Russian forces. The pictures of the city suffering from the air raids, with people hiding in the metro and fleeing the capital, are a hurtful sight for me, as well as for the millions of Russians who never imagined something like this would happen. On February 24 we woke up with the terrible news: At night, Vladimir Putin announced the “special operation” in Ukraine and launched an attack into the lands of this sovereign state. The official pretext of protecting the Russians in Ukraine against the “nationalists” doesn’t have much to do with reality. In his mind, Vladimir Putin is no longer just the president of Russia; he’s a historical figure with a unique mission. He sees himself as the leader of the only country in the world that can oppose the expansion of NATO and the spread of the “vile” Western values that could be a threat to the authoritarian Russian regime.
For at least the past 14 years, since 2008, when Putin was temporarily replaced as president by his pawn Dmitry Medvedev, we’ve been observing this transition from democracy to authoritarianism, from the freedom of meetings and speech to government-controlled media and a full ban of protests under the guise of health and safety measures during the Covid pandemic. But even those of us who could always see the worst in Putin and who, like me, never voted for him or Medvedev, couldn’t believe that Putin would go as far as to start a full-blown war against Ukraine. The annexing of the DNR (Donetsk People's Republic) and LNR (Luhansk People's Republic) after the recognition of their independence … most likely. But not a real war. Not in the shape it’s taking now.
As long as the internet works (there are some rumours that the access to foreign media, as well as Google, might be blocked) we can see the posts and shocking videos from Ukraine. We can call our friends and relatives to get an update, to make sure they’re still safe. We can spread the news, share and repost, protest on the streets with the high risk of being arrested. But as long as we remain Russian citizens, what we worry about most is, as selfish as it may sound, our own security and the well-being of our families and friends here, in Russia, as things are getting pretty dark for us, too. I must underline that the inconveniences we’re experiencing right now can’t be compared with what the Ukrainians are going through. However, for the purpose of this piece, while sharing endless sympathy with those who are suffering under the attacks, I’ll focus on Russia and my personal fears and concerns.
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Here’s a quite realistic scenario of the near future that terrifies me. The SWIFT system is off, the banks don’t have any money, the ruble goes bankrupt, the inflation grows. No foreign businesses are possible. Crazy mortgage rates, insane fuel prices, no foreign cars, stagnation. We can’t travel anywhere because the sky is closed and the leased-out airplanes are taken away. Neither can we welcome our friends and loved ones from abroad. As I’m in a long-distance relationship with someone living in the UK, the latter is just as painful.
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All the public talks and podcasts in Russia, all the conversations with friends and family, come down to just a few topics: Will the metro be a safe place to hide in case Moscow is bombed by NATO? Is it the right time to withdraw all cash from our bank accounts? Is it too late to buy US dollars and sell the stocks? Will our young male family members be mobilised and sent to war, most of them against their will? Will the government start mass repression of its own citizens, those who dare to speak up? What will happen to the ruble? What are the short- and long-term consequences for our economy? How can we stop stressing, at least for a bit, knowing there’s not much we can change right now? Is it the right time to emigrate, or is it too late?
Right now, the worst thing is that we don’t know the answers to any of these questions. It’s enough to turn on the TV just for 10 minutes to get an idea of the official state argument: We’re going to keep fighting the “nationalists” until we’re guaranteed by the US that NATO isn’t going to expand to the east, and that the DNR and LNR are recognised. On top of that, more demands and threats. It seems that even this won’t be enough for Putin anymore. What in the world can stop him? Is there even such a force?
For my generation this is the worst time in our lives. Being born right before or straight after the collapse of the USSR, we used to think we were lucky to avoid living in the closed-off country with an economy that fully depended on state planning. Well, right now it seems that this is exactly what awaits us. Here’s a quite realistic scenario of the near future that terrifies me. The SWIFT system is off, the banks don’t have any money, the ruble goes bankrupt, the inflation grows. No foreign businesses are possible. Crazy mortgage rates, insane fuel prices, no foreign cars, stagnation. We can’t travel anywhere because the sky is closed and the leased-out airplanes are taken away. Neither can we welcome our friends and loved ones from abroad. As I’m in a long-distance relationship with someone living in the UK, the latter is just as painful. However, it’s only a small addition to the overall picture of depression, fear and despair that will probably prevail in the society in this scenario. I understand why the Western countries are introducing their sanctions, but they’re only going to make the Russians suffer. They’re not going to stop Putin – he’s beyond the point of no return. He’s determined to make for himself a place in modern history, and doesn’t seem to care about anything else. History is written by the winners, and he believes that he will win.
I hear more and more talks of running away, emigrating and leaving Russia behind. I’m thinking about this myself, but I’m not sure that Russians will be welcomed anywhere any time soon. Still, I will keep trying. The threat of a nuclear response to any careless actions of the West voiced by Putin just a few hours before I started writing this article, seems to be clear enough. If one person pushes the button, the whole world will suffer, and there will be no way back. We live in fear of a nuclear attack, of bombing, of hunger and poverty. We’re the hostages of our own state, and the most of us won’t escape until our torturer is gone. I’m not asking for empathy from those who believe we’ve deserved it. I’m asking for at least some understanding – no one expected that things would come to this. Not even those of my friends who until just recently believed no one else can replace Putin, and voted for him.
Of course, the internet is still full of bots. They praise Putin and blame everyone else; they curse and laugh at our fears and concerns. But right now, it becomes very easy to tell between them and the real people who are simply afraid. The real people have emotions. Bots can only troll.
Then there are those who still believe in a sacred war for Russia, our mission. But even those who sounded so optimistic and proud 24 February seem to have calmed down a little bit. Maybe they’re thinking. Maybe they’re slowly realising that the war started by one delusional old man is not the solution.
Just last week, before the war, my boyfriend and I were planning to spend a week together in Dubai. Now this seems highly unrealistic. We can only live in today, we can’t plan anymore. We can follow the news, try to stay connected with friends and family, make some money-saving decisions, work, and mentally keep preparing for worse. And, of course, protest. Sign petitions against the war (there is one is available at change.org). Support those who need us. And hope, despite everything, for a brighter and not-so-distant future without war and dictatorship in Europe.
See also:
Putin’s invasion and the failure of peace
Die Rusland-Oekraïne-konflik: die geskiedenis en Poetin se wêreldbeskouing