Litnet

It’s been over a year and two months since the start of the war and since I wrote my first opinion piece for LitNet. A lot has changed since then, but sadly not the most important thing: the war is still on, and there seems to be no end of it anywhere near. While various political analysts predict from one to ten plus years until any resolution and peace treaty, it remains clear that the war between Russia and Ukraine will keep on going pretty much until one of the sides ends up in ruins. As much as I wish this nightmare to be over, I’m terrified thinking about the future, as I don’t see any positive outcome for Russia. Just like many of my fellow citizens, I see the political atmosphere in the country worsen day by day.

Throughout the centuries, life in Russia for the ordinary people has been a challenge. The serfdom law in the 17th-19th centuries was basically a form of slavery for the millions of peasants who didn’t have any freedoms or rights. After the revolutions of 1917, things changed slightly, with the proletarian forces coming to power, giving them equal access to education and establishing new means of social mobility. However, the price that the people had to pay for these comforts turned out to be pretty high: mass terror under Stalin, concentration camps, the failed planned economy, no opportunity to travel abroad, no freedom of speech, no political diversity, etc.

After the collapse of the USSR, we experienced the wild ’90s with the two Chechen Wars. Then, in the 2000s there was a relatively short period of peace and rest that was gone before we knew it: I’d say everything changed after that notorious speech of Putin’s in Munich in 2007. That speech pretty much defined the direction of the future development of Russia. It was the speech that made it very clear that Putin had huge ambitions and didn’t see himself stepping out any time soon. A brief reshuffle with Medvedev in 2008-2012 gave the people of Russia the last few happy years of peace and opportunity to execute freedom of gathering fully, with the huge protests in winter of 2011 after Putin announced he’d be running for president again. And then, after being elected president for his third term, Putin made it clear things were about to change – but almost no one could foresee, back then, to what extent.

The Russia we live in today is very, very different from the country of, say, 2013. For me personally, the biggest internal change is the absolute lack of freedom of speech. Yes, it’s a war time, but the general feeling it that it’s just an excuse to “tighten the screws” within the population.  Everything is heavily censored: from political standpoints to the LGBTQ representation on-screen. A little spoiler: there’s none currently. The books with LGBTQ topics are being recalled from the shops and libraries; the movies and TV series with queer characters, withdrawn from the online platforms. The society, mostly quite traditional and patriarchal, maybe with the exception of a few major cities, seems to support this – however, I’d say that most just don’t care. When you live in the world that changes every minute and you can’t even predict what happens tomorrow, you don’t care about the others. All you care about is how you survive the next day.

Today’s Russia is grim and hopeless. All the former political opponents of Putin rot in jail – quite literally. Most talented and mobile people leave the country, running away from the mobilisation and military drafts. The food prices go up every day; the parliament discusses new taxes for the general population; the foreign brands leave and are being replaced by the cheap local analogues. The leaflets on the sides of apartment buildings advertise enlistment by contract. Travelling abroad has become a real challenge: it’s next to impossible to get tourist visas to most European countries, plane ticket prices are going through the roof, and one needs to complete the quest of somehow opening a bank card abroad just to be able to pay for a hotel and avoid carrying big amounts of cash while travelling. Many popular internet websites are available only with VPN services, but even securing this type of access is a challenge, as these services constantly get blocked by the network providers in Russia. They say that even Wikipedia and YouTube will soon be blocked, too. We’re getting closer and closer to the China-like firewall that will divide Russia and the rest of the world, with its independent information that doesn’t reflect the traditionalist views of our government and hence needs to be blocked.

It becomes more dangerous to express our opinions without the risk of being arrested. Casual banter in the café or metro could turn into a case of defamation of the Russian army. Wearing clothes in colours of the Ukrainian flag will be interpreted as state treason, as will sending money to Ukraine or helping in any other way. Everything you do or say will be used against you – the Big Brother is watching 24/7. By now, we’re used to filtering our messages with friends and family, and thinking thrice about what to text or even whether to “like” someone else’s comment online. It’s best to abstain than to be careless and regret it later. The disappearing messages on WhatsApp are the solution for some, the “delete for both” option on Telegram for others. There is a complete avoidance of any war-related topics – for the absolute majority of the population of our country. I rarely talk with anyone about Ukraine these days. Everything’s clear without words, and words can be dangerous anyway.

Even reading the news has turned into a real effort, and an unnecessary one. We’re all tired of the negative information overload, of the despair, anger, fear and helplessness that one feels when checking the list of daily world events. Instead, we try to focus on the local events, on anything positive to find motivation to keep going. And yet, when meeting with close friends, you end up talking about how to leave and where to go, and when the iron curtain will completely shut us out from the rest of the world. This new reality often feels like a nightmare that you can’t wake up from, and even now it’s hard to believe things still can – and will – get much worse.

Personally, I find only one solution to avoid getting more desperate day by day. I focus on my work and on doing things I love the most: this way, I get to escape the grim reality for some time. I try to find joy in the smallest things and not to plan too far ahead, knowing everything can change in an instant. I try to stay optimistic, because without this, I’d be going insane. I say to myself that this is not forever. That times will change, as well as the rulers, and one day Russia will face its demons and deal with them, once and for all. But until then, the only way to survive is to stay strong, know where the truth lies and keep up the internal strength and sanity for all the battles ahead.

Also read:

Russians: Hostages of our own state