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I was tired of wanting to regain compliments on my exterior, yet I was also tired of the dreadful comments directed at my weight. I had to learn how to love myself again.
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Throughout the years, I’d often hear my sister express her dislike for this specific comment, “Maar jy’t eintlik vet geword” (But you’ve actually become fat). She’d always complain and say that the comment is just not a nice thing to say. As she’d rant and express her disdain, I’d be thinking, “Here we go again with this topic!” But, as they say, “Life happens”, and after picking up a mammoth amount of weight last year, I, too, was on the receiving end of that dreadful comment.
On a random day last year, I was minding my own business, walking home from Pick n Pay, listening to my go-to indie rock playlist. From afar, I noticed a friend of a friend walking in my direction. She didn’t recognise me at first, but when she did, she said it.
“Maar jy’t eintlik vet geword!”
She stared at me in disgust. It was as if she owned my body and the rights to comment on it. In my mind, I scanned through the list of explanations and excuses for why I looked different: lekker lewe (life is good); jy wiet dit was mos Covid (you know it was Covid); I’ve been eating a lot of takeaways lately; who still has lus (feels) to go gym and be active? But my quick tongue couldn’t whip out anything, as that dreadful comment left me defeated and taken aback. In that moment, with her eyes rolling all over me, all I could say before walking away was, “Ja, nè, ek weet! (Yes, eh, I know!) Keep well, and salaam (peace) to you, too.”
While walking home, juggling my heavy Pick n Pay packets of groceries, I reminded myself not to get upset. Oftentimes, people don’t know any better. Some just don’t know how to make conversation, or they just say stupid things. We, however, mistakenly hold the words of others too close to our hearts. I tried to remind myself to stay calm and not take her words too seriously, but it wasn’t that easy. I won’t even lie, that dreadful comment hit me hard. As I entered the front door of my home, I simultaneously left her words outside. Until one day, I heard that dreadful comment again.
My patience was tested not too long after that when I took an Uber to work. Unfortunately for me, my driver was one of those annoying distant family members – one of those people whom you’d always want to avoid. That morning, I was in a rush and I didn’t have the luxury to cancel the trip to request another driver. It was actually a Monday morning. Although I was dikbek (moody), I forced myself to be courteous and exchange pleasantries with the Boeta (uncle). The drive went fairly okay – at first. We spoke so lekker (well) about our lives, and how our immediate families were.
Then, as we stopped at the first red robot, the Boeta peered up at his rear-view mirror and shot me with – and yes, you’ve guessed correctly – “Maar jy’t eintlik vet geword”. It didn’t stop there. The Boeta continued with, “En jy’t nou ’n vet gevriet, nè!” (And you now have a fat face, eh!). He even gave off a slight giggle after that second comment. That “huh huh huh” still sounds so vividly in my ears. Yoh! (Wow!) I wish I could express the list of colourful language that spun through my head after he made that dreadful comment. The nerve of that Boeta to tell me that I had ’n vet gevriet (a fat face).
But, again, I kept my cool. I knew that he had sadly run out of things to say to me. Maybe I should’ve reminded him that he had seen me last when I was a teenager, and of course I was going to look different. Instead, as I stepped out of his car, I gave him a lekker vet (nice and fat) one-star for that Uber trip – the one star being as fat as my gevriet!
Time passed, and on a random evening I decided to examine my face in my mirror. The image that stared back at me was unrecognisable. It looked like I had a moon face! My jawline was less prominent. There was no semblance of any cheekbones left on my face! My cheeks seemed more blown out. I, thereafter, went on a deep dive! Spiralling as I looked at old pictures of myself on my phone! There was no longer space for me to be in denial about my weight. I scurried toward my cupboard, frantically fitting on random items of clothing. I was like a maniac! My pants didn’t fit anymore! My medium-sized shirts sat so tightly, I swear I looked like the coloured version of Winnie the Pooh! My blazers and jackets hugged my arms tightly, creating a hunchback! My underwear felt like those kleine trunkies (small briefs) I used to wear when I was in primary school.
So, there I stood, in what felt like the tightest and smallest onerbroekkie (underpants), gazing at myself in my mirror, shaking my head at the sight of my mini boeppens (pot belly). I was so disappointed in myself, as I had never been one to obsess about my body. Then, I started to realise that there’s a bigger conversation society needs to have.
Why do we as men not talk about body issues?
But before I could search for that answer: firstly, I needed to have an honest conversation with myself, despite being in denial about my obvious weight gain. After a long, introspective self-reflection session, I realised that I was beginning to develop both body and facial dysmorphia.
I became tired and lifeless. For the longest time in my adult life, I had been investing too much in the way that I looked. I also had been overconfident and cocky. Looking back now, I remember how I would walk into a room and await people’s attention and energy to fall onto me. I revelled in the unimportant compliments people directed at my hair, my face or my clothes. So, in an attempt to be more authentic and tackle my body and facial dysmorphia, I decided to cut off my long hair – number zero on the machine, nogal (actually). It was time to try to accept the new version of myself. I don’t know whether that makes sense to you, my dear reader, but I needed to look at myself in my purest form. I was tired of wanting to regain compliments on my exterior, yet I was also tired of the dreadful comments directed at my weight. I had to learn how to love myself again: without the hair, without the chiselled beard, without my clothes fitting my body perfectly, and, most importantly, without having a thinner frame.
“Maar jy’t eintlik vet geword!” The dreadful comment hit me again. I’d just smile politely, as if I felt embarrassed for their lack of conversational skills.
“Maar jy’t eintlik vet geword!”
“Ja (Yes), I know, man! But –” That was how I started my response the next time I heard the dreadful comment. I responded with haste to change the topic, not allowing myself to get frustrated.
“Maar jy’t eintlik vet geword!”
“Yoh! (Wow!) Am I really that fat?” I pondered. More and more people were coming up to me to exclaim that dreadful comment. I was honestly getting gatvol (fed up). There were only so many excuses I could make for the rude comments of others!
“Zubayr, but you don’t even eat a lot. What’s going on with your body? You must get this checked out,” relayed one of my best friends, with concern blazing through her eyes. I had to do introspection; what was the cause of the weight gain?
“Look at our old photos. You’ve changed so much in a span of one year!” she continued with her concerns.
After a visit to my GP, I received the following results to numerous tests: my sugar levels were normal; the insulin resistance test came back with good results; there were no problems with my thyroid; my iron levels were on point. Alhamdulillah! (Praise be to God!) Yet, I still couldn’t figure out what was wrong! Then, the only thing I could think of was that my weight gain must have been caused by the strong anxiety medication that I had been prescribed.
More time passed, and one day at work, during interval, I headed to my classroom a little earlier to prep for the next lesson. Some of my grade 11s had arrived early as well, and some grade nines from the period before were still hovering at the back of the classroom.
“But you’ve actually become fat, sir!” exclaimed one grade nine girl; her words spat at me. I won’t lie, I was flabbergasted. I could take that dreadful comment from adults, but to have a child say it was even more painful. Maybe it hit harder and sounded less comical because she said it in English.
What kind of immature grown-up would I have been if I were to have got upset with her in that moment? In true teacher mode, I thought that it was best to give her and the others a quick life lesson.
“I know that I look different, my girl, but please remember not to comment on other people’s weight, especially to their face. You might not know what that person is going through, or what the cause is, and, ultimately, it’s just not a nice thing to say.”
In that moment, the bell rang and she left the classroom with many apologies.
“Did she really just tell you that, sir?” asked one of the older learners in shock.
“Yes, but she’s only 14, and I’m a grown-up. What’s the point of getting upset with her? Sometimes, people just don’t know any better,” I responded. Out of nowhere, I blurted out the following: “Look, I’ve been on the opposite end of this. I used to be so mean to people, and I’ll be brutally honest, it was thrilling being abrasive. A big part of me would revel in saying what was on my mind, “reading” people (as people say today) and making others feel intimidated by my words. I’ve hurt so many people with this tongue just because I thought I was better than them. But what did I gain by making fun of the way others looked or dissing them? So, in the grand scheme of things, maybe I was supposed to experience this weight gain not only to learn how to humble myself, but also to learn an important life lesson and share it with you all here today, as well as share my story with other people.”
Ding! Ding! Ding! That was an aha moment for me.
To make a long story short, my weight ballooned even further when I left my old job and I started working from home. I became completely inactive and reclusive. To make matters worse, I began eating recklessly – which was weird, because throughout my life, I’d always watched what I ate. For example, I used to be so particular, that I didn’t eat or consume bread, sugar, milk, rice, potatoes, sweets, chips, fizzy drinks, processed meat or any of a longer list of other things I deemed unhealthy for my body. Perhaps that’s how I had maintained my weight, but after already having picked up so much weight in 2022, I got to the point where I was just like, let me maar (rather) enjoy my life and eat and consume what I want to. I told myself that I was already fat, so there was no reason to care about my eating habits and be a finicky eater. That was obviously not a good idea, as I spiralled even further out of control. I went from an average weight of 75 kg to 95 kg!
Where are my body and mind now? Slowly but surely, the weight is falling off. My hair has grown out again. The roundness in my face is somewhat disappearing. My older clothes are also starting to fit me again. I now affirm good words to myself when I look in the mirror each morning. Like I’d remind myself to say, “Yes, bra! (brother!). You look lekker (good) today.” The next moment, I’d insert the chorus of “Macho man” by the Village People and do a little victory dance.
Despite the positive physical changes, I realise that I need to do better with the things that I say to both myself and to others.
So, the next time you notice that someone has picked up weight, and you’re compelled to comment on their weight gain, please remember that saying “Maar jy’t eintlik vet geword” is just not a nice thing to say!
See also:
When we want success for ourselves, we must want success for others
Kommentaar
I loved this and I can relate so badly, as just a few days ago a family member said those exact dreaded words to me after not seeing me for a good couple of months. I just ignored the comment and went about greeting the rest of the family. As I was doing this she continued to say: "She's clearly eating her husband and daughters' food as well." I was used to hearing those dreaded words, but what she said after that, hit me really hard 🙁
I tried so hard for it to not affect me, but the days following that, her words would still pop in to my head every time I walked past, or even looked in the mirror.
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, typing this out, as we tend to make excuses for people and especially family members who comment without thinking.
Thank you for this story and for sharing, Zubayr.
I LOVE YOU, even though I don't say it as often as I should.
Another fantastic article by Zubayr Charles. And on a topic that affects so many people.
This is indeed food for thought!
It was a pleasant read. Also the first sentence everyone back home says to me. It definitely brought lekker memories of all of us hanging out.
This really needs to be shared and spread widely, I feel like so many people experience this, but are too afraid to speak openly without being judged. Reading this just made me feel like I can relate so much and finally here is someone that actually understands what it is. My friend, Zubayr, may the almighty always guide and protect you, thank you for sharing your story! Love you always.
Love it.
I love it. ❤️❤️🥺
It's so sad that this is so common, specifically within our culture. I always think of the wise words of Flower in Bambi: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."
I love this.
Zubayr, I am very proud of what you have become.
Keep it up.
I really enjoyed reading this, this is yet again another excellent piece, Zubayr.
This topic is very sensitive and when someone says it to me, I get defensive and respond with "I buy food, not drugs."
This is very well written, thank you for sharing.
A well-written personal experience with thought-provoking moral lessons.
Weight gain is very painful and leads to self-deprecation and low self-esteem.
Coincidently, Zubayr, it has happened to me, too. I put on so much weight around my belly area which makes me look my age, 58, and left half my clothes too tight and sloppy looking - and I now have a double chin.
Your story has reminded me of body dysmorphia, because I think I might have developed this psychological condition, too.
Nobody has said "Maar jy't eintlik vet geword," but it would hurt like hell if anybody did.
Your story evoked some feelings I realize I need to deal with.
Well done🙌🏼.
Zubayr, I enjoyed reading your article. Thank you for sharing.
This is truly inspiring. Your honesty and vulnerability about your personal journey were both relatable and empowering. It is unfortunate that people experience negative comments about weight gain. Body shaming and fat phobia are harmful and can have serious consequences for a person's mental and physical health. Thank you for sharing your story – that many others are probably struggling to talk about. You are an inspiration!
Everyone deserves to feel confident and comfortable in their own body, regardless of their size or shape.
Wow! It's as if you're writing MY story. Beginning to end, every single thing you've experienced, is what I've been, and still are going through.
People can be ignorant and some blatantly hurtful, but we continue being our beautiful selves.
Great read! Loved it!
Couldn't agree more, it's really not a nice thing to say to someone. It's one of the reasons why most humans become so insecure and the sad reality is we hear these types of thing from the people closest to us.
Breaking a cycle is never easy. Being a cycle breaker is uncomfortable for both you and those around you. But sit proudly in your discomfort and the discomfort of others, as you are paving the way for a new normal. One which lacks the toxicity we've been forced to become accustomed to. Hang in there, my friend. ❤️
What a lovely read👌🏿. I related so much to this piece, sir, but in my case, it was about my weight loss.
I think people should really count their words before speaking, because it's the words they say so carelessly that hurts the most. We should really consider other people's emotions, especially when it comes to their appearance.
Thank you for writing on a topic that affects most of us❤❤❤
There are so many events in the essay that is relatable, especially to my current life. Many people don’t understand how their words can affect people and how they feel about themselves. No one should be judged on their physical characteristics. I personally never body shame people, because I know exactly how it feels for those words, as mentioned in the essay, to be said to my face, on a regular basis. Funny enough, these are words that are constantly expressed by family members, close friends and mostly people that have no clue of who and what you are as an individual. Whether its overtly or covertly, there are just certain words that shouldn’t be verbalised, because it has a detrimental impact on the next person. Certain words impose certain emotions on people that could worsen the condition or insecurities they’re already dealing with. Therefore I think people should be cultivated and liberate their minds from body shaming people and always having a response to it.
I truly relate to the content of this article and experienced the exact thing. This commentary usually came to me when I would visit my hometown and the neighbours would be sure to analyse the boooody. I would reply with “Yes, aren’t you glad I am not Tik thin so that you see my bare bones? It’s always good to have some meat."
I truly enjoyed reading this article. Thank you for your vulnerability, Zubayr, and next time instead of responding to them I will say let me give you an article to read!
Good read. We really do need to think before we speak.
We should also realize that you are what you eat and our health is important. It's our responsibility to take care of ourselves and our bodies, to be healthy functioning human beings.
Loving the article. It sure brings about introspection.
"I realise that I need to do better with the things that I say to both myself and to others."
This really hit home. Thank you for sharing your story, in doing so you've become a voice for so many of us.
Klompie Shukrans for speaking on this. It is something that hits close to home.
Our lives are more than just how much weight we gained and how round our face is. We are more than our appearances!
Thank you for sharing!
Ek maak my soms só skuldig aan hierdie, en tóg is ek een van daais wat as kind geboelie was oor my gewig en tot vandag toe dink mense hulle het die reg om te comment op my liggaamsbou.
Thank you Zubayr Charles for this article/essay.
❤️❤️
Love the honestly and the vulnerability you have as a writer. Beautiful.
Wow - I absolutely love your essay!👏👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏 You write beautifully! I remember all those familiar sayings from people who felt that they simply had to comment on one's weight. I used to cringe when people commented on my weight - to me these comments were so insensitive and downright rude! Luckily, I learned to love myself when I realised that God's love for me is unconditional and that those nasty people's comments didn't count. I'm so grateful that I was taught to be tactful. 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 Have a lovely day, Zubayr! Please continue to keep up the good work. It's very refreshing to read about real-life encounters! Lots of love. ❤️ ❤️ 🌹 🌹 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏
I must say it was worth reading, people should learn not to say anything if they don't have any positive thing to say.
This is such a raw written article and so relatable, it is almost like saying and making you feel that you are not desirable. I get that a lot these days, and "eina" "jy het eintlik vet geword " "maak seer". I want to tell those people sometimes: "Hou jou b@k, gee jy my vrede," but, ja neh, some people don't think. Coming back to how they make you feel less about yourself and you start to question yourself, those I-am-not-good-enough thoughts kick in. But ja neh, instead of making one feel insecure all over about yourself, because we all have so much to deal with. Rather "Hou jou b@k", man, and think: Is it a nice thing to say? How would you feel if it was said to you? Because kindness does not cost a cent.
Thank you for sharing your story, Zubayr!
Well said, very relatable!
To be completely honest, when I read this the amount that I could relate to was shocking. I've heard and seen all of this before. Being a "skinny boy" the minute I started maturing and aging, people made these comments: "your face is so full", " waar bok jy dat jy so vet raak?" These comments affect all those who hear it, then we are too fat, then we're too skinny, but the people making those comments literally don't realise there's a mirror they could speak to and see how it feels then.
Thank you for sharing, Zubayr.
Thank you for sharing yet another insightful, albeit very personal account, of what so many of us endure, daily even.
Another excellent piece, sir. I really enjoyed reading it.
Such a wonderful, thought-provoking piece. Don't use words that will hurt. Not just about weight.
I related to this so much. I used to get it a lot as a child. It can definitely shake your confidence. I still feel triggered when someone makes negative comments on my weight. It doesn't make the criticism easy to swallow, but if you're lucky and put in the work, you learn to love the body at any weight, and that what you look like and that number on the scale do not define you.
Thank you for sharing.
A really poignant account of your experience that is such a sad indictment on our society. People do make such ignorant statements, even to children. My daughter experienced this throughout her childhood as she was a naturally bigger child. Her exponential weight gain started before birth and the obstetrician ran a test for diabetes when this was noted, weight was always above that for her age group on her growth chart - and even the nurses at the clinic would scold me about what they assumed was a result of me over feeding her. I was concerned that she had diabetes, but these test results returned negative, thankfully.
My extended family always had comments to make about her weight. And yes even the family members who play no real role in her life reserved their right to use this as a conversation starter when seeing us at the random unavoidable family gatherings. She had to field off comments at school, and from the outside world that there was something wrong with her. I saw my child developing a complex about her weight as over and over again she would hear: “Haai, kyk hoe vet is die kind!” I spoke with my mom about it and we resorted to telling people off who said things like that to her at these family gatherings, my mom has been at the receiving end of this as well.
She’d sometimes retorted with: “No, your eyes are swollen.” And other times just asked: “Watter soort grootmens is jy om nou sulke dom goed te praat? En dit van’n kind,” leaving the ignorant adult embarrassed.
But I still had to work on building my child’s confidence in a society that was judging her by her weight, not knowing she is the most kind-hearted child. She was also ostracised and bullied at school because our society perpetuates these views and our children think it’s okay to bully another child because of their weight.
It’s hard work to navigate this gauntlet of comments, and more so for a child. This is an important discussion to have and I hope it helps people become more mindful of the words they utter and the effects those words can have.
Shukran Zubeir for sharing this.
Well done, Zubayr, another brilliant piece🤲🏽. May you continue to inspire us through your captivating words.
Great read!!!!👍
I love the story. People are to quick to judge without putting themselves in that position and sometimes they say things without thinking (acting impulsively).
This piece was very touching to one's heart.
You delved into a topic that isn't particularly discussed much. The lesson I took from this, is to not judge people without knowing their circumstances/reasons for how they appear.
This was written so beautifully. I had a knot in my throat as this hit home. Thank you for sharing this with us! 💚
Dankie vir jou skrywe, my maatjie. Ja, die 'liewe' mense is wreed daar buite, met 'n smaal op die gesig en 'n vlymskerp mes wat hulle diep in jou rug steek.
Such a refreshing piece to read. The message is intriguing because so many of us can relate.
Beautifully written, hit close to home, even though mine was on the opposite end. Lost so much weight last year and people kept commenting not knowing that I was suffering from severe anxiety and on the brink of depression. Had to take a look from within and start to place value on other parts that made me me and not just my exterior. I now no longer am as moved by compliments about my exterior and therefore no longer as moved about negative comments about my exterior. It’s all about how I view and perceive myself and my heart has become my favourite body part. May sound cliché but it’s worked for me. God bless.
No, because I've been waiting for someone to write about this . As a teenager, a growing one, the amount of times people have just blatantly said "jy raak vet, neh" or "you must watch it my girl", becomes so tiring and just breaks my confidence to my core.
Sir, you really did do your thing here. Every part of it was pulling me in further and further and it's relatable to an amazing extent!!!! The conversation needs to be had and, sir you just open that floor, thank you.
Another amazing piece 🙌🙌love how you are never afraid to write what's really happening in you mind and heart you just let it all flow out and in the end come up with such an amazing and inspiring piece like this one. We don't hear a lot about men going through weight gain challenges and so on. It's refreshing reading such a piece that speaks about one's own experience and how they are slowly overcoming the negative comments given and changing their mindset. Truly inspiring 🙌🙌🤞 can't wait for the next 😁😌
Eish. So many truths…
Wow, this really touched me because it's something that happens to me so often I block so many things out an people out of my life just because of this. I met you when you just left high school an to see the wonderful man you have grown to be, is amazing. Yes, life hits all of us in many ways but some people just don't understand how words can hurt the next person. Don't let that words hurt you because you know your life story they don't. Live life to the fullest an remove those toxic words from your mind an you do you. Keep up the good work an all the good that you do for so many people and to all your students. You always kept a focused mind and stuck to what you believed in.
Excellent article... so relevant for our society today and for our future generations.
Well done, Zubayr. A well-written story and a very important life lesson to learn from. Shukraan Zubayr for sharing your experience with me, and the rest!
Although those words hurt you and others a lot, people do not recognise the fact that those hurtful words that spat out of their mouths would return back to them, in the same way or a different way. Hopefully this story touched many hearts and a success has been made out of it!!
Aslam, my Darling Nephew. This piece of work is so well said. Every day of my life I hear the very same comment. You know how verbal I can get. I realised the people uttering those words are actually trying to pass off their own insecurities they are definitely not happy with themselves. It’s always easy to make others feel down rather than accepting their own defeat and faults. I salute you my darling and am super proud of you. It’s always uplifting reading your stories💙
Well-written piece, Zubayr! I commend you for being so open about what you’ve been through. Thank you for sharing your story with us, keep up the good work.
Excellent article! This hits home so hard. Not directly to me but someone close to my heart. He too kept quiet, when these not nice remarks was passed to him and there is nothing wrong with his weight. But I wanted to dig my nails into the faces of these people. So thank you and well done.
Thank you. Striking this is, especially also for your sense of humour ("jy’t nou ’n vet gevriet, nè!”) and accute, sharp ear.
You could write brilliant satire, a very scarce commodity in writing these days around this neck of the woods - if you used a slightly different slant - more away from the self, turning that sharp bird's eye on others and the neighbourhood and society...
It was quite an inspirational article. I used to be one of those that would mention people's gain weight because I was lucky I never used to gain weight excessively. Now that I'm older and my metabolism is going down, I get those words thrown at me. And it's a journey to get to grips with the new me with rolls. I do apologize to anyone I ever said those words to. iI think it was ignorance
What a powerful piece of writing!!
Pragtig gestel, ek het ook klomp gewig opgetel en mense lewer elke dag kommentaar op my gewig. Al wat ek vir hulle sê dis seker die injection wat so maak.
Amazing story, well done
Thank you for this very personal share Zubayr. I do feel that our community is not sensitive and will voice instantly about someone's physical features. It's not ok! Period! Thankfully younger parents are becoming more aware of its effect.
I loved this article. It reminded me of myself. I have gained a lot weight these past few months. You are an inspiration.
Love it; it's my fat en kla. Mind julle own business.
Loved reading this article, thanks for sharing it with us and the little bits of humour in between.
Amazing stories, love it. Love yourself for who you are. Live up to your dreams ... enjoy life ♥️👌
Wow, I really enjoyed having this read. This is a powerful enlightenment, very impactful. A great life lesson shared, and thank you for being open and vulnerable to sharing this, most definitely not the easiest things to talk about.
Well written and expressed
I have a friend, I've known her since I was 4! She has struggled with her weight her whole life. One day a young man walked passed her and said: "Look, Mina Moo". She turned around and said: "I can loose weight, but you will always be ugly".
There is such a huge connection between our gut and brain. How our microbiome reacts to food. Or medication. Or emotion. I am that person that gains weight when I stress. And looses weight when I'm happy.
What a great article! Words have permanent real estate in your mind ...
Excellent piece of writing. Good advice to most Muslim men to take pride in our own appearance, rather than just expecting our wives to look good. On the issue of the unsavoury comments, it is unfortunately worse than just fat shaming. Capetonians, and in particular Bo-Kaap people, have a horrible habit of "dissing" you rather than complementing. I heard this fat comment every year until I lost weight, and then of course I was greeted with: "Jy's darem maer ... Is jy siek?". Maybe our community should stop following their greeting of Assalamu alaikum (peace be upon you) with hurtful comments, and rather give you a positive comment, like: "You are looking good, Masha Allah" or "So good to see you". Let us all look how we can improve our own character and greet people in a warm, caring manner. Again, congrats Zubair on an excellent piece of work. Keep it up!!!!
Hi Zubayr!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it is a wonderful way to teach us, because you never know when we are touching someone feelings.
I really learn from you.
God bless your life and keep you in this lovely activity, namely writing.
Absolutely fantastic topic! Well written ... I enjoyed reading every bit, laughing and tearful at the same time. A lot of us can actually relate to this article ... Zubayr left me with a heavy feeling of nostalgia! It's always so refreshing reading your articles, as you always keep it so homely. Keep it up, thanks.
Another great piece Zubayr, well done. I'm sure we can all relate.
Zubayr, your beautifully written essay of the mindlessness of the people who caused you hurt is most unfortunate and a reckless lack of care towards your feelings.
It is ironic that the increase of body weight, for some people, has absolutely nothing to do with how much fat gets consumed, but rather that weight can increase due to numerous other factors, that you so aptly mention in your essay.
You are phenomenal at capturing minds, you have great teaching abilities, awesome leadership quality skills and many more ...
Admitting that you have gained weight and acting on it by focusing on positivity and better dietary choices; you are now on another new version of yourself, which is, absolutely and unequivocally, AWESOME.
"This too shall pass."
Salaam, absolutely brilliant, Zubayr! Masha Allah, I'm elated and proud of you, my dear, that you have found your path in life, Alhamdulillah!
Oi! A guy I went to school said the same thing to me years ago (when I was in my forties), he even stuck out his tongue like he wanted to vomit. Saying "you had such a nice figure in school". Idiot, I was a teen then with a teeny figure. Currently I lost weight, perhaps people might say "oh, you're looking good" BUT it does not interest them WHY. Could be that I'm not well. Who cares, as long as I'm no longer fat in their eyes.
Great piece – I really enjoyed the read ... As I always do with your work 😉
Wow, well done Zubair; what a beautiful piece of writing, Masha Allah. I especially enjoyed it, because I relate to your experience. I have struggled with weight all my life, especially since all my siblings and cousins were very "slim". One family member started picking up weight in her late twenties and suffered from anxiety when hearing these type of comments. She moved to the States and is surprised how Capetonians lack filter compared to the rest of the world, lol.
Beautiful beautiful beautiful
Thank you for sharing your story so eloquently and honestly. I think it can help people to become aware of the effect their thoughtless words can have.
As you write so well, perhaps it may be helpful to prepare yourself with some good responses to have ready if you receive such treatment again – responses that could help the other person recognize your and their shared humanity.
Yet another piece that speaks to and with the readers, thank you for this, and I hope you keep on writing more of these beautiful pieces. 🙏🏼
I loved it!!!
Zubayr, jy slaan die spyker op die kop! Goed geskryf. Ek kry dit van jongsaf – eers was ek te maer en nou is ek te vet – en die kommentaar kom van mense wat ver van perfek is.
Thank you for this beautiful and relatable piece. Suma feel closer to you after reading this. 🥺 You are SO much more than a size of clothes or a number on the scale. Your gentle and kind manner, wisdom and the care you have for others are a just a few of the beautiful qualities that I see in you! ❤️❤️❤️
Lekkerr writing!
Ja-nee, humans can be cruel around/about many issues?
Made me think of an old African saying ...
"Die man wat homself baie VET smeer moet maar pasop virrie leeu!!"
😉
Thank you, Zubayr, for sharing such a human story that relates to all cultures across the globe ... people need to be a bit more sensitive in what they say ... it's about how you make another person feel that is so important in life. It takes just a little love and mercy to inspire people to become greater human beings. I love your honesty. Write some more. You received a valuable gift. Well done.
l immediately felt that this writing was a self-healing journey which by it's very nature I'm sure was therapeutic to you firstly - then those who gave positive feedback also helped you in your journey of discovery on more than the self-image front. What speaks to me, is the lesson of how one responds to negative criticism. How you have grown from this is the ultimate lesson. Good work! More could have been said by you so I hope going forward there will be great stories! Creative writing is art! Soldier on!
🥰🤩 Absolutely! I myself have felt this. I was skinny in my 20’s, had a kid, then got the “adult body” hit, skinny, then fat like a yo-yo 🪀……. I tried so many things. Until a few years ago. 12 to be exact. I started questioning why I wanna please everyone but myself. I started putting me first. I now am unhappy if I lose weight 😂 Nnot that I weigh much now! Muscle mass gain is my happy place. But for me, just don’t pass negative comments on appearances. Speak positivity. Speak light. Be love.
Good piece, Zubayr. I will ask Naomi if I can share the link for next week.
You are most welcome to share the link, Bronwyn.
What a well written, wonderful and relatable read. From start to finish you drew me in, and took me on your personal journey of just how cruel, though sometimes unintentional, people can be (and most especially our past generations from the 1920s and earlier, which rubbed off on our generation and later, because, truthfully, we lead by example) as we have always, by our forefathers, been taught not to mince our words; basically "sê ’n ding soos dit is" (say it exactly like it is) without thought of being subtle or considerate about the other person’s feelings.
This is such a profound and wonderful read, and well written in such a relatable manner that I cannot wait for what the writer is going to come up with next, as much as this is a serious topic needing to be addressed in our coloured community; in fact, across the board of races. The writer did not fail to add humour, especially regarding his most authentic and honest side to reacting to criticism.
He further teaches us a lesson in maybe trying to be more tactful in our approach with words and what we deem is constructive criticism. Well done, Zubayr, for your excellent writing and doing us proud. I cannot wait for you to take us on more and longer journeys through your wonderful writing. 😀👍💜💙💚
Puik gesê, Zubair! Dankie vir die deel en insig!
Baie besef nie dat hul onbewuste woorde ander se selfbeeld krenk nie, so dis dalk iets wat ons aan ander moet leer: "dink voor jy praat ..."
Just because one says nothing, doesn't mean you're okay with a comment like "Jy't vet geword".
I get it too, but I have learned to respond in a way that people just leave me alone thereafter ... My response when someone comments on my weight? I smile confidently and say, "More of me!" Mense los dit dan sommer net daar, want hulle sien dat jy jou liggaam aanvaar en jouself liefhet.
Dankie vir jou insiggewende opstel, ou maat. Onthou, as jou gewig die trappe opklim is daar net meer van jou om voor lief te wees!
Be blessed, ou maat! Jy's daai outjie! Ek love jou skryfwerk!
I really enjoyed reading this! Such a beautiful article.
You're such an inspiration. Keep up the good work, sir.
I absolutely enjoyed reading this piece, sir.
I enjoyed it and mostly I can relate. Well done, Mr. Charles.
I was told this a few days ago and it affected me a lot, coz I picked up weight after I had two operations due to my health. I just had to smile and nod and walked away. If you don't have anything nice to say, then just keep quiet. We don't know the next person's struggles.
Absolutely touching! Definitely enjoyed reading this, really proud of you, sir. Keep it up! You're an inspiration to many.
Well done, Mr Charles, on teaching society of the importance of self-awareness and how we should treat one another.
To me the writing was more than just weight gain, it was more of a reflection of how we conduct ourselves. It is the way we utter words to one another and not thinking of how the next person receives the message. Our communities need to be exposed to conversations of how they should address certain situations.
I for one grew up skinny and my community always assumed there was something wrong with me. Culture at times oppresses an individual because in their eyes, a person should have a certain look in order to be recognised. I salute you for always going the extra mile and communicating with the soul rather than just entertainment.
Intergenerational talks. Programmed to talk and think one way. We grow up hearing our parents speak this way about people and how they approach people, and it becomes such a norm for some and they have no idea how it affects the receiver. I still hear my grannies/parents speak to people like this and fortunately, I'm not apart of the circus. I stop it immediately.
Very thought provoking and relatable. I’ve received comments like this recently and the best thing to do is just to ignore, which isn’t always that easy. Thank you for sharing your story Zubayr.
Such a relatable, vulnerable and beautiful piece! I really enjoyed reading this. You continue to be the best in the game and you inspire so many! Proud of you, Sir, can’t wait to read your next article.💓
I really like that I was able to read this. It puts feelings that I or others had experienced but could not express due to many factors. It is very well articulated and it is something a lot of people can relate to.
Wow, very eye-opening and written with so much finesse. Zubayr, you take your teaching from the classroom to this online community with great distinction. "As I entered the front door of my home, I simultaneously left her words outside." Yours my friend is a writing style that just takes you in.
Thank you for sharing! So inspiring.