"Risking all" by Jenna Potgieter

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Risking all

What do I say to those that watch
With quiet contemplation?
That pry and poke my soul to shreds
With veiled accusation
Their stares and gestures haunting me
'Round every faulty turn
My heart and soul no longer willing
To soothe this wicked burn
The worst of all is in my head
I can’t say what is real
I only guess at what they think
And fear for what is real
For if they knew the total truth
Of what I dream to be
Would words of love and sentiment
Be taken away from me?
I long to speak my mind and show
The one I am inside
Without the ceaseless wondering
At words so cold and snide
What will become of the me I am
If I be who they see
I fear I may just lose myself
In years of misery
What may transpire if I choose
A path not often tread?
Of this I fear, thus can’t ignore
The questions in my head
For I can’t lose, not once again,
What I have just got back
My eyes have seen enough of hurt
My heart enough of pain
To put myself at risk for just
A bit of selfish gain
And so I walk, and carry on
In agonised perplexion
Always striving, not quite touching
Impractical perfection

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