Consider this the letter I never sent
You were the one I’ve been looking for, the one who I would let see a side of me that no one knew existed. You took my hand and promised me you'll show me the world, or at least yours. Six months, and what an adventure it was. I had the best times of my life with you ... But I guess all good things must come to an end. I guess when God created this world He gave life so that everyone could experience death. My heart is dying. You were the missing piece that I yearned for for so long. But yet something was wrong, I still felt incomplete. I wish I could go back to that night on the roof and just pause for the rest of my life. Because that moment that one question changed my life forever. Where are you now? Where is that boy that I met and fell for so hard that I didn't want to get up without him. Did you get lost? Or did you run away? Did I scare you off or are you just afraid of letting go, of free-falling into love, of taking a chance and letting me in, into your heart? I promised I wouldn't hurt you. To know that I was your first is a treasure on its own. But would it have been too much to ask if I wanted to be your last? Would you have ever been willing to go to sleep and wake up next to me and only me for the rest of your life? Would I have been out of place if I wanted you so much that I would choose your life over my own, that I would be willing to let you go if it makes you happy, but hope to God it doesn't. You made me love you. I don’t know how, but you did. And it was magic. I got addicted to you like a drug. You hurt me so much at times and other times you made me feel so good, that regardless of what you said and did that broke my heart the good times always won. And that made me just want to go back for more. The good times and the boy I knew made me afraid of speaking my mind when you made me mad because I was to afraid of losing you. So I understand that not everything is your fault; I think if I had said more you'd have understood how I felt. It just feels like you were a priority but I was an option ...
I knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart ... Was that enough? I tried my best to hide away my past life so that we could be happy in yours. But was it worth it? I was pushing the people close to me away so I could be with you and you could still be with the people close to you. But I don’t think I was being fair to myself. I had a good life but I was convinced I’d have a better one with you. Don’t get me wrong: I would have never given you up to get that back. I just wish that like I tried to fit in and be liked by your friends you would have done the same for me. I wish that you missed me the way I missed you. I just wish that like me you couldn’t wait to see me again. I wish that you noticed all the little things I did to show you that I loved you. And I hoped that you loved me back. Even if it was just half as much as I loved you it was more than enough. I want you to know that my feelings for you weren’t bought. I’d still look at you dazed if you were sitting on a side walk with dirty feet, and you never have dirty feet. I’d still love you just as much if not more. Because I would know you. You’d still be the boy with a heart of gold and an unbreakable soul. You just won’t be hiding behind a flashy car and credit card anymore. I wanted to grow old with you. Wanted to be there for you. But whatever you may decide and whichever way your life may lead you. I hope that you'll be happy and if it’s not with me, I hope that that person deserves you ...
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