“Sorry about not being Horowitz. Let’s just say I’m the ‘horror’ part of it,” opened Paul Geraghty to ripples of laughter in the school hall in Franschhoek. The Power of Horowitz, the show we were all meant to be witnessing, was cancelled at the eleventh hour as Anthony Horowitz was wheeled on to an aeroplane – on a stretcher – to make his way back to England after suffering a slipped disc.
The organisers of the 2013 Franschhoek Literary Festival must be commended for finding an endearing and hilarious replacement for the original item on the programme. South African author Chris van Wyk was joined by British-based South African author and illustrator Paul Geraghty, and the two of them threw the school hall – aptly teeming with schoolchildren – into fits of laughter as Paul retold one of his children’s stories about two fighting pterosaurs while Chris reminisced about his childhood growing up in 1960s South Africa.
Geraghty was first up to address the audience and loud laughter soon erupted – whether it was his sudden blurting out of the word book to initially startled, and later hysterical learners, or his reference to his debut novel, Pig, which (he said) is a nickname that he got strapped with in school. Rather than referring to the pupils as “children” or “kids” he won them over by addressing them as “miniature people” and talking about his childhood as a “miniature person”.
Paul described himself as a drawer, painter and travelling fantasist. In a matter of minutes he sketched a terrifically ferocious tyrannosaurus rex on the board, and made the hippie dinosaur in his story Rotten and Rascal appear. The dinosaur’s body boasted rainbow colours and his back was speckled with peace signs. Paul’s message was creativity and perseverance. He encouraged children to write, constantly, about anything at all – particularly first thing in the morning. He suggested that all one had to do was make up “fifteen fractional divisions of eternity” in order to do justice to one’s creative juices.
Shirley, Goodness and Mercy serves as Chris van Wyk’s childhood memoir of his time growing up in Riverlea, Johannesburg, poor and disadvantaged in a racially discriminatory South Africa. Characteristically, Van Wyk tells his anecdotes with the light-hearted, mischievous nature of the mirthful young boy he evidently remains. The subject matter of poverty is lightly dealt with as he remembers visiting his grandmother’s house, where at any given time up to twenty people would be visiting or living. To sort out the small matter of bed space, Chris’s grandmother would cleverly take all the dirty laundry out of the washing basket and dump it on the living room floor to serve as Chris’s mattress, pillow and blanket - much to his amusement.
Chris’s childhood dilemma of having a crush on his teacher despite her being almost two decades older than he was, was quickly sorted out when he came to the conclusion that she would simply have to stop growing – until he reached the socially acceptable age of being a few years older than her. Then they could get married and she could carry on aging again.
Conspiratorial sniggers resounded throughout the hall from the students as Chris lamented his childhood angst at not being allowed to use profanities. As a result he and his friends used to disappear to the mine dumps and swear to their hearts’ content. They were delighted to find that if you swore down the hole of a mine shaft, the mine shaft would swear back at you.
Chris van Wyk and Paul Geraghty proved to be hits with the audience, and as the show came to an end the excited young listeners eagerly asked for tips on inspiration, writing and storytelling. When time ran out, the crowd of learners surged forwards, eager to chat or just listen to the two men, who happily engaged and encouraged the hall full of miniature people.
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This report was written by a member of the Contemporary Literary Practice (English) honours group at Stellenbosch University. The CLP module includes report-writing in the mould of literary journalism, along with other forms of writing and literary practitionership. The report was co-edited by group facilitator Leon de Kock.
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Or maybe a middle name of Ivan to give initials PIG instead of PMG....